Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
