I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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