butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
it's like heaven, but drunker
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
