The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
