yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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