We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
