I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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