I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
