So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
