ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
