I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
