I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Randomize
