he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
