This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
