Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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