I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
