i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
