Grow some girl-balls and come out already
we made out on top of his cat.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
