i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
