im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
