Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
