i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
