Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
