I think i peed on brittanys purse
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize