I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize