Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
