one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize