shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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