Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
