Im at strip club and am horny
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
