I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
