His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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