do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
operation have a gay friend backfired
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
