my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize