Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
