I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize