my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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