can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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