I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
