There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize