he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Pants are for mortals
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
