Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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