Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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