the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
