too bad you live with your parents still
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
it's like heaven, but drunker
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
A+ Viking dick
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
