Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
