My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
