I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
