I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
