Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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