k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
