Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
