Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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