That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
