that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
