Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
