dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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