I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
