I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I think I am morally bankrupt
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
