The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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