Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
