he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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