it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Randomize