Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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