Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
