and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
