do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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