we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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