And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
