Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Rumble strips road head = magical
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
